Minneapolis, Minnesota. Late December. 8 degrees.

On the bright side: There's no need to put ice cream in the freezer. The snow piled four feet high is in no danger of melting anytime soon. And coffee tastes 10 times better than it does in SoCal. 

On the not-so-bright side: Severe risk of frost bite if you don't wear mittens to the car. The car doesn't always start right. And that coffee turns into an ice block in the matter of a minute.  

In short: I think I'm going to like it here. I've been to the Twin Cities two times before -- both for weddings. And now, for another wedding. :) But never in the winter. I'm not typically one to embrace the cold. Most of the time, I flat out despise it. But I'm looking at these below freezing temperatures as yet another adventure, something I'm always up for. I'm a SoCal girl, I know. And will probably always be. But I can at least learn to sympathize with those who have to withstand the weather for more than six days and nights.  

Aside from the obvious weather shock, I really do think I am going to like this time. Oh, and did I mention the hotel? Free coffee. Pool open until midnight. Free cookies. FREE WIFI. (Otherwise, I wouldn't be posting this.)  

Still can't believe my cousin is getting married. :) So incredibly happy for her. And not at least a little taken back by the fact that she's just two years older than myself. :) Weird to think about.  

On a completely different note, today was a great reminder of just how many people there are in this world. How insignificant I am. And how incredible God is that He still cares about me.  

Watching people pass down the airport halls. Each with his or her own story. Problems. Hurt. Joys. Families. Friends. Lives. Futures. Maybe they know the Lord. Maybe they don't. Maybe they will come to, and maybe they never will.  

It makes me feel helpless, at times, that there are so many lost people I haven't met. Will never meet. Who I will never be able to reach for Christ. It made me think of that story about the boy who rescues the starfish off the sand and tosses them back into the safety of the waves. Just one at a time. 

Making no difference. Except for that one starfish. And that other one. And that other one. I pray that God would just help me to be a light to whomever I can, when it feels like the world is lost beyond hope.  

But that was really an unintended little rabbit trail. Though I think an important one. I'm grateful for a God who still cares about the happenings and troubles of my life, despite the fact that there are so many people so much more deserving of His care than I am.  

Well, I'd better get a good night's sleep. After last night's adventuring, short sleep and uncomfortable half sleep on the plane, I'm totally wiped.  

Have to be rested for my first-ever bachelorette party tomorrow!! Aha, don't worry -- I'm not. 

To a wintery world of white, goodnight. :)

End of semester reflection

So, as of today, I am officially halfway done with my time here at Biola.

Wow.

It's so hard to believe. I remember those few days before I came here, jittery with excitement, but also, horribly frightened. Would I fit in? Would I find close friends? Would I be able to handle the coursework, the tests, the pressure? Would I be able to find my niche? Would I make the same mistakes I did in high school, or would I have a more balanced life? 

Now, as I look back on the past 16 months of my life, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. God has granted me all that -- and more.

I never would have imagined I'd be at the place I'm at now 16 months ago. God has given me direction and clarity. He's given me ministry and dear friendships. He's given me opportunities and grace. 

I've learned through experience what a leap of faith is. That sometimes, you just have to seek to serve God and others in holy love, and that everything else will fall into place. That sometimes, God doesn't give you all the answers.

I've learned that taking time out for God is more important than anything else. To be honest, I hadn't been reading God's Word consistently, every day, since this semester. And it's made all the difference in the world. For the first time in a long time this semester, my walk with God actually feels like a walk. Not a teetering, backsliding sort of motion. 

To be honest, at the end of high school, I didn't know where my relationship with God was going. Because it wasn't. The world, for the first time, seemed enticing. And God seemed distant. If it wasn't for Biola. If it wasn't for the people I've met here. If it wasn't for God's overpowering hand of protection, I don't know where I'd be today. By God's grace and mercy, He pulled me from my double-mindedness. One foot was in the world. And one foot was in His Kingdom. But He rescued me when I was too weak to reach out to Him myself. Not to say I'm anywhere near complete and undivided devotion. Not to say I don't mess up. Not by any means. But for the first time in a long time, this past year, I'm not looking back as I try to walk forward.

My major, I think, has been one of the most compelling factors in drawing me closer to God. Journalism. Who would have known that the one field I rejected for so long because I thought it would be selfish to pursue has drawn me closer to my Savior than almost anything else could? Through my studies and my work, God has opened my eyes to see the plight of people around me. To care. To have compassion. To RELY ON HIM because I can't face all those challenges alone. To draw on Him for strength, and nothing and no one else. To see His hand in the world around me. To spend time with Him, because I'm too busy not to. Funny how that works.

I've definitely faced my ups and downs this semester. It's been enriching. It's been exciting. It's been challenging. It's been just plain sad at times. But I find myself running to God first, and nothing and no one else. And that, at least, is an encouraging sign. :) 

I've learned about myself. My weaknesses. My quirks. I've learned about my family, and how my upbringing and the example of my parents influences who I am and how I think today. I've learned about others. That some people I've idealized aren't perfect. That some people I've criticized are more pure of heart than I could ever hope to be.

I don't know what the future holds. What the next semester holds. Oh, I have my hopes. I have my ideas. I have my plans. But who knows. My plans aren't necessarily God's. For, as I was reading earlier today, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" (Proverbs 16:9).

But as I look toward what I think will comprise the next year of my life, to be honest, I'm a little frightened. Ok -- very frightened. Many challenges and tests lie ahead. 

I just have to remember that God, who was faithful to me even when I wasn't so faithful to Him, will surely not fail to hold my hand. To not let me fall. To keep me in His perfect will, as I strive more than ever now to seek it. The Lord has been overwhelmingly gracious to me so far. How could I doubt Him now?

Here's to another three semesters of growing by His unfailing goodness. :)

Some things

Some things you never knew you'd been lacking until you first found them.

Some things make you realize what you'd been missing all along.

Some things make you wonder how you've ever lived without them.

Some things you only realize the blessing of when they're gone.  

The impact of gratitude

So I was thinking today just how much a few words of thanks can mean to a person.

How often do we fail to tell the people who mean so much to us what they mean to us? That we notice their sacrifice, their kidness, their advice? That we treasure not only what they've done, but who they are?

Several people in particular come to my mind who have been pivotal in changing and focusing my life. I had the opportunity to thank one of them today at church. She was completely overcome -- she had no idea what an influence she's had on my dreams and aspirations. How key she has been to get me to where I am today.

And it got me thinking.

What if I did that more often? What if I actually told the people who have invested in my life how thankful I am for them? How I thank our merciful Lord almost each day for them?

Well, that needs to change. This week and the coming weeks, I'm going to let those people know. Who knows -- you might be one of them. :)

Forever under His mercy,

--Katie--

                        

It's been way too long. So there.

So I have the impulse to blog again. Not that I haven't in the past oh, three weeks, but I've been quite busy.

Things are actually winding down for me. Just two simple finals and one last issue of The Chimes.

But I haven't been devoid of thoughts in the past three weeks, I assure you.

The thing weighing most prevalently on my mind now is loneliness.

Not that I'm lonely right now -- I actually just had a fabulous time driving through the freezing night air, windows rolled down, with my roommates to Taco Bell because the defroster wouldn't work. I seriously strengthened my stomach muscles fivefold this evening.

But I keep realizing how much I need other people.

Being entirely by myself never really bothered me before I came to Biola. I did everything on my own. Studied on my own. Ate on my own. Drove everywhere on my own. Sure, I had my friends, but I would just hang out with them on weekends -- when I wasn't studying, that is. =p

But ever since I came to Biola, solitude hasn't really been much of an option.

And now, when it is -- in those few times when I'm completely on my own doing homework or Chimes work -- I can't help but feel the absence of people.

And I can't stand it.

I know that God means for us to live in community. I know that it is good.

But this is one lesson from Biola I'm still not sure I'm glad I've learned.

Because well, learning it means that I have to acknowledge that I need other people.

And that scares me.

I don't like the idea of needing to rely on anyone other than myself.

People take up time. People let you down.

People slow you down.

And yet, so much of the richness in my life right now is because of, well, people.

And so there's this tension between gratitude and frustration as my independence wobbles just a bit.

I know I need God. That lesson I've had to learn the hard way.

But needing people?

That's harder.

Guess God isn't finished with me yet -- and that's definitely a good thing. :)

Sitting in class. Waiting for Dr. Longinow to arrive.

Just felt like writing.

Nothing profound on my mind right now.

Except that I've slipped back into confusion. Not sure what to do.

Uncertainty plagues me.

But in this I am sure -- that the Lord of the Universe is the Lord of my life.

So what need have I to worry and fret?

God is not done, is not finished with me yet.

More reminders that -- shockingly -- life is NOT about me! :)

As I've mentioned, I'm learning -- though a slow process it may be -- to stop to take time for people.

It's funny, the way the Lord uses you when you're actually open to it.

Today, I had the privilege of -- I hope -- impacting in some small way the lives of two precious women God put on my heart.

The first is Anne. I met Anne this afternoon at Panera, where a friend and I were studying. One of the girls who lived on my floor last year came over and asked if I would join her in talking to this woman, engrossed in her book with a shawl wrapped neatly around her neck. Not quite sure what we were doing, we decided to approach her as if we were taking a survey for a class. 

Those questions led to a conversation, in which this dear woman, tears nearly filling her eyes, told us she'd thought about heaven much more in the last month.

Last month, cancer took the life of her 8-year-old niece.

I felt as if I could cry too. I'd just met this woman. And yet, my heart ached for her. I wanted to convey to her just how much she is loved by our Lord. Just how much there is hope. Through Christ. 

And so I had the privilege of praying for her, right there at Panera. 

I don't think I'll ever forget Anne's face. 

Her eyes.

Her brokenness.

I pray that the Lord would use that conversation, that prayer, to remind her that she is loved.

That she isn't alone.

Then, just this evening, the Lord brought someone else into my life. 

Rebekah.

I've seen Rebekah before. Dozens of times. Sitting curled up in one of the comfy chairs in Commons, her back to the window.  

Oh yes, I've seen Rebekah. But then again, I haven't.

Not until tonight. 

I always saw her for her tattered appearance -- the unkempt hair, the filled backpack, the cheap clothes. 

God forgive me.

But tonight, I spoke with her. And as I did, I began to see her for who she truly is -- a lovely daughter of the King of Kings.

Rebekah is somewhat new in town. A grad student, she moved to La Mirada just this August to pursue her teaching degree. I felt the pain in her voice as she described her distant relationship with her brother, Josiah, who doesn't know the Lord. I felt her sorrow as she described how difficult it is to connect with people here. I sympathized with her when she explained that she comes to the coffee shop often, but rarely buys anything because even the cheap coffee is too much to afford on her very part-time salary.

As we talked, I could tell how grateful she was -- just to have someone to talk to. Someone who would take an interest in her. In her life. 

Now, I write not to say "Look at me -- I'm such a great Christian!"

Ha, that's laughable. On the contrary, I'm a despicable excuse for a follower of Christ. 

And yet, God used me, I think, today, to impact somehow the lives of two people He cares very much about.

I had a bit of a disappointment tonight. To be honest, I wanted to cry. 

But I was reminded just then that life isn't about me. So what if I face disappointment. So what if people let me down.

As long as I am being faithful to my Savior -- as long as I am allowing Him to use me, making time for Him to use me -- who the heck cares. :)

Now, off to finish studying for that quiz. 

Then sleep.

Night. :) 

A day of inspiration

Today, I must say, has been one of the loveliest of the semester so far.

Not even entirely sure how to articulate just why it was that way, except that God allowed me to capture the beauty of every moment of it.

I slept in -- definitely a much-needed bit of extra rest -- until 10:30 a.m. You have to understand how ridiculously late that is for me. Good thing I woke up in time for our weekly budget meeting!

Maybe it was talking to the L.A. Times reporter yesterday. Maybe it was encouragement I received from my boss. Maybe it was the lovely way the sun lavished its warmth on our campus. Maybe it was the way I was able to laugh until my sides hurt with dear friends. Whatever the case, I couldn't be happier to be alive.

I've been reflecting especially this week, for some reason, how drastically my life has changed in one year -- definitely for the better. New major. New job. New dorm. New friends (although I haven't forgotten the old ones :). New idea of what my future might look like. New purpose. New passion. Renewed relationship with my Savior.

A year ago, I wouldn't have imagined I'd have the life I do now. Now, I can't imagine life being anything else. 

I finally feel like I am exactly where God wants me. 

And it's the most beautiful, reassuring feeling in the world.

I don't know exactly what my future will be. I don't know what job I'll have when I graduate college 19 months from now. I don't know. I really don't. 

But God has brought me this far. His grace has proven Him to me time and time again. Even in the times when I haven't been seeking the Lord with my full heart and devotion -- even in times when I neglected Him, really -- He worked my pitfalls into his purposes.

Why He has blessed me with a life filled with such vision, purpose and love, I can't comprehend. 

But He has. 

So on those days when life seems less than certain, I'm going to trust. 

God has been so much more faithful than I deserve so far. So to Him I entrust my future.

In each and every day.

I've learned that giving my life to the Lord isn't just a one-time deal.

It's something that must be renewed continually, with each morning.

It's a matter of humility. Of surrender. Of admitting I can't get through even one day without my Savior at my side. Without the Holy Spirit's guidance. Without the Father's protection. 

Oh, but I could dwell for ages on the Lord's goodness this past year. And I will. :) But I can't keep writing every single thought that comes to mind.

I blame homework.

And the necessity of sleep.

Goodnight. :)

My first post!

Well, as a developing journalist and someone who loves to write, I find it ridiculous that I don't have a personal blog that I update on a somewhat-regular basis. 

This is, after all, the 21st century. 

So I shall use this space to record my thoughts, whether they be elaborate or brief, often or spaced out.

But not right now. It's 12:46 a.m. I've slept a total of (drumroll please) 10 hours since Sunday night. Journalism. Chimes. They're my life. And I blame them. :)

So goodnight, world of the Internet. 

Sleep beckons sweetly.