It's been way too long. So there.

So I have the impulse to blog again. Not that I haven't in the past oh, three weeks, but I've been quite busy.

Things are actually winding down for me. Just two simple finals and one last issue of The Chimes.

But I haven't been devoid of thoughts in the past three weeks, I assure you.

The thing weighing most prevalently on my mind now is loneliness.

Not that I'm lonely right now -- I actually just had a fabulous time driving through the freezing night air, windows rolled down, with my roommates to Taco Bell because the defroster wouldn't work. I seriously strengthened my stomach muscles fivefold this evening.

But I keep realizing how much I need other people.

Being entirely by myself never really bothered me before I came to Biola. I did everything on my own. Studied on my own. Ate on my own. Drove everywhere on my own. Sure, I had my friends, but I would just hang out with them on weekends -- when I wasn't studying, that is. =p

But ever since I came to Biola, solitude hasn't really been much of an option.

And now, when it is -- in those few times when I'm completely on my own doing homework or Chimes work -- I can't help but feel the absence of people.

And I can't stand it.

I know that God means for us to live in community. I know that it is good.

But this is one lesson from Biola I'm still not sure I'm glad I've learned.

Because well, learning it means that I have to acknowledge that I need other people.

And that scares me.

I don't like the idea of needing to rely on anyone other than myself.

People take up time. People let you down.

People slow you down.

And yet, so much of the richness in my life right now is because of, well, people.

And so there's this tension between gratitude and frustration as my independence wobbles just a bit.

I know I need God. That lesson I've had to learn the hard way.

But needing people?

That's harder.

Guess God isn't finished with me yet -- and that's definitely a good thing. :)